Confidence

" Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

~Eleanor Roosevelt

"Courage is being scared to death- but saddling up anyway."

~John Wayne

"You must have confidence," writes Coach John Wooden, "You must believe in yourself if you expect others to believe in you. However, you can't have poise and confidence unless you've prepared correctly. (remember that failing to prepare is preparing to fail.) Every block is built on the others. When all are in place, poise and confidence result. You don't force them to happen. They happen naturally from proper preparation. "

Webster's Dictionary explains that it is "a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment... faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance confidence that comes from long experience>...an ease or coolness under stress that reflects perfect self-control and command of one's powers... a manifest self-possession in trying or challenging situations."

Some kids bring confidence to cheerleading. Generally cheerleading gives kids confidence.

Flying, basing and spotting in stunts. Leading chants; shouting, jumping and kicking in front of hundreds of people. Leading pep-rallies... practice, practice, practice... being LOUD and PROUD!

Heck, just having to perform in front of the whole student body or half the town gives you a certain amount of confidence- once you get over whatever stage fright you had, there won't be many times you'll be afraid to be in front of people anymore!

I wish we still had 10-20 people trying out for cheer- not because the competition means you get a higher caliber of cheerleader- you guys are great- but because having to go through the tryout practice is a real teat or confidence. Over the last 20 years I've known a couple of girls who gave phenomenal tryouts, you'd think they were college cheerleaders, unfortunately they became lazy and sloppy in practice and at games. These girls were "over confident." True confidence is built on the other 13 bricks and includes not just poise, but work, conditioning, alertness, loyalty, Enthusiasm, cooperation, etc.

Then there were a few girls who I absolutely knew had outstanding skills, knowledge, and work-ethic- but unfortunately for them, they completely freaked out when it was time for tryouts. A couple of times girls wound up in tears. It was too bad because I knew that they were brimming with potential. At least once they decided they couldn't stand being in front of crowds, at least once there wasn't anything I could do- there were too many other candidates that performed better, and I know a couple of times it worked out in the end. Even the girls who don't make the squad have said that just having to go through the tryout process helped build their confidence.

And as Coach Wooden explained, working on industriusness, friendship, loyalty, cooperation, enthusiasm, self-control, alertness, initiative, intentness, conditioning, skill, team-spirit, and poise- these are going to give you REAL confidence.

My hope is that through cheerleading, you will build all 15 of these bricks into your character and your thinking. If you do, they may not make you a billionaire or the first woman President, but I guarantee that they will bring you success- that is, the peace of mind that comes from knowing that you did your best. And THAT could make cheer one of the most important things you do in high school. Even if this is the last season you cheer and you don't come out again (and I hope you all will, whether it's during football or basketball or both), but even if you don't- it will be worth it if you gain at least some confidence from it. That will probably happen even if you think this Pyramid business of Coach Wooden is a bunch of bunk.

I've known tons of girls who agree that it made a difference in their lives. Some who were timid, shy and unassuming before cheer and confident and comfortable both with themselves and with others after. But remember, if your confidence is not merely building up an immunity to stage-fright, but if it's backed up by the other 13 bricks in the Pyramid of Success- you'll be ready for just about anything life throws at you.

Everybody need a little confidence. How do you get it? It's not about a sense of entitlement, it's about a sense of accomplishment. Esteem may give you value, but efficacy gives you confidence. If you have the other 12 blocks of the pyramid, then confidence and poise will come along naturally. If there's anything that cheerleading (and I'm sure other sports like VB, XC, BB, and Track) can give a girl, it's confidence.

Pyramid of Success 14; Confidence

" Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
~Eleanor Roosevelt


"Courage is being scared to death- but saddling up anyway."
~John Wayne



"You must have confidence," writes Coach John Wooden, "You must believe in yourself if you expect others to believe in you. However, you can't have poise and confidence unless you've prepared correctly. (remember that failing to prepare is preparing to fail.) Every block is built on the others. When all are in place, poise and confidence result. You don't force them to happen. They happen naturally from proper preparation. "

Webster's Dictionary explains that it is "a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment... faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance confidence that comes from long experience>...an ease or coolness under stress that reflects perfect self-control and command of one's powers... a manifest self-possession in trying or challenging situations."

Some kids bring confidence to cheerleading. Generally cheerleading gives kids confidence.
Flying, basing and spotting in stunts. Leading chants; shouting, jumping and kicking in front of hundreds of people. Leading pep-rallies... practice, practice, practice... being LOUD and PROUD!

Heck, just having to perform in front of the whole student body or half the town gives you a certain amount of confidence- once you get over whatever stage fright you had, there won't be many times you'll be afraid to be inn front of people anymore!

I wish we still had 10-20 people trying out for cheer- not because the competition means you get a higher caliber of cheerleader- you guys are great- but because having to go through the tryout practice is a real teat or confidence. Over the last 17 years I've known a couple of girls who gave phenomenal tryouts, you'd think they were college cheerleaders, unfortunately they became lazy and sloppy in practice and at games. These girls were "over confident." True confidence is built on the other 13 bricks and includes not just poise, but work, conditioning, alertness, loyalty, Enthusiasm, cooperation, etc.

Then there were a few girls who I absolutely knew had outstanding skills, knowledge, and work-ethic- but unfortunately for them, they completely freaked out when it was time for tryouts. A couple of times girls wound up in tears. It was too bad because I knew that they were brimming with potential. At least once they decided they couldn't stand being in front of crowds, at least once there wasn't anything I could do- there were too many other candidates that performed better, and I know a couple of times it worked out in the end. Even the girls who don't make the squad have said that just having to go through the tryout process helped build their confidence.

And as Coach Wooden explained, working on industriusness, friendship, loyalty, cooperation, enthusiasm, self-control, alertness, initiative, intentness, conditioning, skill, team-spirit, and poise- these are going to give you REAL confidence.

My hope is that through cheerleading, you will build all 15 of these bricks into your character and your thinking. If you do, they may not make you a billionaire or the first woman President, but I guarantee that they will bring you success- that is, the peace of mind that comes from knowing that you did your best. And THAT could make cheer one of the most important things you do in high school. Even if this is the last season you cheer and you don't come out again (and I hope you all will, whether it's during football or basketball or both), but even if you don't- it will be worth it if you gain at least some confidence from it. That will probably happen even if you think this Pyramid business of Coach Wooden is a bunch of bunk.

I've known tons of girls who agree that it made a difference in their lives. Some who were timid, shy and unassuming before cheer and confident and comfortable both with themselves and with others after. But remember, if your confidence is not merely building up an immunity to stage-fright, but if it's backed up by the other 13 bricks in the Pyramid of Success- you'll be ready for just about anything life throws at you.

Building Confidence

(originally written for my column in the Charter Oak-Ute NEWSpaper in 2005)

“Confidence is the inner knowledge that when you are yourself and others are free to be themselves, everything works out for the best.” ~Brian D. Brio, Beyond Success; 15 secrets to Effective Leadership and Life Based on Legendary Coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success.

One of the biggest struggles in coaching cheerleading is helping build confidence. It’s one thing to yell and kick along with five other people during practice, but doing it in front of several hundred people on a Friday night is quite another. Doing it in front of a couple hundred of your peers and classmates at a pep rally is even more nerve-wracking.

People have asked me how I can speak in public. Simple; I know that I’m going to make mistakes that people may laugh out eventually in life, so I may as well be prepared to laugh at myself. If I can do that, that I don’t have to be afraid of making a fool of myself. Now I’m not charming or funny enough to be very good at deliberately making people laugh, but I can manage to get in front of a big group of people and talk to them about just about whatever, without panicking.

Retired UCLA Coach John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success is one tool that I’ve tried to use to help kids learn about teamwork and important character traits like work-ethic and confidence. Another one is Norman Vincent Peale’s classic The Power of Positive Thinking. A few years ago an author named Mary Lou Carney wrote an adaptation of Peale’s book for Teens. In The Power of Positive Thinking for Teens, she lays out ten simple steps for building your confidence:

1. See success- it’s an age-old coaching technique, you imagine, “visualize,” you picture yourself doing well. Starting with the end in mind, that’s all it is.

2. Nix negativity- sometimes this is the most difficult step. It means not letting yourself talk yourself out of being able to do whatever it is that you have to do. Force yourself to not be doubtful.

3. Don’t build obstacles- you’ve heard the old saying, “you’re your own worst enemy?” It can be true, so be on your guard against self-sabotage. Don’t look for excuses to fail, don’t make things harder than they have to be.

4. Be yourself- That’s all you can be, don’t try to pretend to be something else, lay it all out there and if they like you, great, if they don’t, oh well, their loss, don’t take it too personally. This is what my opening quote is about. Just know that when you are yourself and allow be themselves, everything will work out for the best.

5. Know your strengths- Many coaches have you list your assents and then focus on what your good at, not what you’re not good at. A lot of times that will compensate for your weaknesses. It’s also helpful just to list and review your strengths in order to remind yourself that you’re at least good for SOMETHING.

6. Know yourself- this is not the same as #5. This one could be written as, “know your limits.” If you know what your values are and, yes, what your weaknesses are, you can look for ways to maintain a balance, delegate out responsibilities, or ask for support.

7. Use the antidote (Philippians 4:13)- Memorize and recite this verse at least ten times a day. “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

8. Aim high- If you shoot for nothing, you’ll hit it every time. If you shoot for the moon- even if you miss, you’ll reach the stars.

9. Put yourself in God’s hands- We don’t know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future. Sometimes all you can do is to do your best and let God do the rest, also known as “let go and let God.”

10. Be unbeatable

prayer for strength and confidence

Disclaimers: 1) This Blog is not to an official Boyer Valley site. The views expressed here and the links provided here are not necessarily those of the Boyer Valley Community Schools, it's administrators or board. It is the sole responsibility of Coach Mallory

2) My policy is of absolute transparency. I apologize to anyone who is ever offended by anything that I write here or reveal about discussions with me and issues we deal with as a squad here. I do so so that you know what I'm thinking and how I come to the decisions that I so. That's called "metacognition," you may disagree with my decisions and my motivations may be in error, but I prefer to be absolutely open, even at the risk of being wrong or unappreciated. When error is brought to my attention, I try to correct or admit the error.

3) I genuinely believe in a separation of Church and State- I try not to force my faith/beliefs on any of my students at school as a captive audience. This blog, however, as noted above, is not an official function of Boyer Valley schools. It is a site that people are free to view or avoid. To the best of my knowledge, all of the current squad members are believers, so I'd like to encourage them with the following prayer-

"Please help me," I prayed. "Please change me. I know You can do it because I've seen You make drunkards sober and turn thieves into honest men. Please take away these inferiority feelings that are holding me back. Take away this awful shyness and self-consciousness. Let me see myself, not as a scared rabbit, but as someone who can do great things in my life because You are with me, giving me the strength and confidence I need."
~Rev.Norman Vincent Peale,
'Positive Imaging' ©1982

I share this one with everyone because it's really a prayer that any cheerleader needs to pray. It seems like every year there's someone who's quiet, shy, or insecure. I know one JrHi cheerleader who seems so meek and diminutive that you'd hardly know she was there. These may have been sweet and charming traits in young women a hundred years ago, but they're necessarily qualities you need if you're supposed to be leading a crowd in getting loud. Besides hoping to build your confidence and increase your volume, I also want to arm you all, because being a cheerleader can be a bit like living in a fishbowl. You're up front and on display, therefore you become a target of greater scrutiny and sharper criticism than less prominent students at your school. It's unfair, but it's real. See your selves as confident and able to let snide comments roll off like water off a duck's back. Picture yourself as poised, comfortable, outgoing and having fun. Let that mental image sink in until your subconscious accepts it. Ask God to help you, even pray (or at least recite) Peale's prayer and you will become what you saw yourself being.

PYRAMID

" Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

~Eleanor Roosevelt

"Courage is being scared to death- but saddling up anyway."

~John Wayne

"You must have confidence," writes Coach John Wooden, "You must believe in yourself if you expect others to believe in you. However, you can't have poise and confidence unless you've prepared correctly. (remember that failing to prepare is preparing to fail.) Every block is built on the others. When all are in place, poise and confidence result. You don't force them to happen. They happen naturally from proper preparation. "

Webster's Dictionary explains that it is "a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment... faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance confidence that comes from long experience>...an ease or coolness under stress that reflects perfect self-control and command of one's powers... a manifest self-possession in trying or challenging situations."

Some kids bring confidence to cheerleading. Generally cheerleading gives kids confidence.
Flying, basing and spotting in stunts. Leading chants; shouting, jumping and kicking in front of hundreds of people. Leading pep-rallies... practice, practice, practice... being LOUD and PROUD...

And as Coach Wooden explained, working on industriusness, friendship, loyalty, cooperation, enthusiasm, self-control, alertness, initiative, intentness, conditioning, skill, team-spirit, and poise- these are going to give you REAL confidence.

Only one brick left!

Fear

Rumors has it that tryouts are just too scary. One girl is scared that she'll be too busy next year durring football season, but she might be able to cheer for basketball. Another was just plain scared to perform in front of the tryout judges. Of course, she's afraid of cheering in front of the bigger high school crowds too anyway. And two other girls were too scared that one of them wouldn't make it and they wanted to be on cheer together.

Cheerleading is about overcoming your fears. Here are just a few fears that cheerleaders need to defeat:

Acousticophobia- Fear of noise.

Acrophobia- Fear of heights.

Acousticophobia- Fear of noise.

Acrophobia- Fear of heights.

Algophobia- Fear of pain.

Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying.

Barophobia- Fear of gravity.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books.

Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.

Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas.

Chiraptophobia- Fear of being touched.

Dementophobia- Fear of insanity.

Demophobia- Fear of crowds. (Agoraphobia)

Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.

Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.

Ergophobia- Fear of work.

Illyngophobia- Fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.

Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.

Laliophobia or Lalophobia- Fear of speaking.

Ligyrophobia- Fear of loud noises.

Neophobia- Fear of anything new.

Ochlophobia- Fear of crowds or mobs.

Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice

Scolionophobia- Fear of school.

Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.

Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline." ~2 Timothy 1:7

So... the good news is, I decided not to give in to fear of change. So, we just won't have tryouts. I'll go back to recruiting and hope that I get more than my core two to commit. I already have three "maybes." One of them is one of the two who skipped tryouts together. Wish us luck. Prayers are also appreciated! I'll let you know what happens.